Break out the American Express Platinum, because we’re going hardcore shopping.

Last year I talked about gifts for people you hate and gifts for crafters, but this year I wanna talk about going big…like, just looking at something and laughing because it’s so out of your price big.

To be entirely fair, this is just for eye candy more than it is purchasing (I mean, a few of these cost more than what I paid for my house) but sometimes, you just need to go big, you know? So let’s sort by “highest price” for once and go a little crazy.

My Stupidly Expensive Gift Guide

Bernard Delettrez Gold, Ruby and Yellow Sapphires Skull Bone Ring • $19,379 – I mean, come ON. Right?

Yeprem 18K White Gold Chevalier Ring • YEPREM • $32,200 – I can’t help but love this chevalier ring. It reminds me of going out drinking with over-the-top fashion designers when I lived in Brooklyn. They all had these claw-esque kinda rings and I loved it.

Mindi Mond Vintage Diamond Platinum Bracelet • $157,000 – Heavy on the vintage aspect, this just makes me want to drink champagne from a vintage coupe and meet Cary Grant at the Empire State Building.

Stephen Russell One of a Kind Important 19th Century Diamond Corsage Brooch • $260,000 – I just love that the title of this has the word “Important” in it. Obviously! It will go great with my snowman pajama pants and ribbed tank top (AKA my daily outfit)

Bernard Delettrez Skulls and Snakes Black Ring w/Glass-treated Ruby • $13,925 – I love a designer who has fun with their art and this is the gothiest goth ring I’ve ever seen. I am POINTING at everyone and cursing them when I wear this.

Cucculelli Shaheen Sensu Embroidered Silk Tulle Gown • $16,800 – Head to the site to see the incredible detailing and artistry behind this dress.

Isabelle Armstrong The Izzy Beaded Tulle Gown • $17,000 – I want this. I want this just so I can flounce all over my house and sigh heavily.

Valentino Crystal-Embellished Ruffled Tulle Gown • Valentino • $18,000 – I love a good Valentino and this crystal-embellished housewife-style nonsense is fantastic.

Cucculelli Shaheen Point Noue Iridescent Cape • $18,000 – This. Cape. Is. Everything.

Valentino Sequin-Embellished Tulle Gown • Valentino • $19,000 – Sorta Drew Barrymore-esque, right? I love the detailing.

It Takes A Family Angelica Drop Waist Dress • Baum und Pferdgarten • $40,176 – I don’t know why it’s so expensive, but I love it solely because of that. Ridiculous and amazing.

Mindi Mond Diamond Emerald Platinum Filigree Dinner Ring • $24,000 – I’ll also wear this and point at people, but in more of an aging-debutante-whose-seen-it-all kinda way.

Fernando Jorge Flare Ring • Fernando Jorge • $25,000 – Will this catch on everything? Probably. Do I love it? Definitely.

Egerie 18K 5N Rose Gold & Diamond Alligator Strap Moon Phase Watch • Vacheron Constantin • $34,300 – Okay being serious for a second, when I sold watches on ebay it was especially hard for me to get rid of anything that had moon phases on it. I love the detailing of any watch that has moon phases, and this 18kt gold decorated watch is stunning.

Yeprem 18K White Gold Y-Couture Earrings • YEPREM • $34,100 – Will these get caught in my hair? Absolutely.

Lydia Courteille One of a Kind Bath of Dita Ring • Lydia Courteille • $40,561 – I cannot believe how gorgeous this is. It’s a work of art!

DAVIDOR L’Arc 18K White Gold And Diamond Bracelet • $41,450 – This reminds me of my Mom for some reason, I think because it’s Tiffany-adjacent and she’s a huge fan of anything Tiffany’s.

Cintree Curvex Skeleton Rose Gold & Alligator Strap Watch • Franck Muller • $49,800 – Another thing I love when it comes to watches are skeletons (where you see the inner workings). To me, it’s an appreciation for the intricacies and workmanship behind creating a good watch.

Yeprem 18K White Gold Chevalier Ring • YEPREM • $63,000 – I’m a sucker for bib necklaces, they’re always so grand and feel like an event so I had to include at least one.

Stephen Russell One of a Kind Platinum Diamond & Burma Ruby Art Deco Ring • $125,000 – This was the first thing I saw which made me realize I needed to make a gift guide about stunning and ridiculous pieces of art and this ring is no joke. I don’t know who wears stuff like this, but I want to be their friend.