Turning 38 is weird. Not because of the age, exactly, but because of what it did to me.

There was some kinda switch that flipped in October (my birthday month) where I was just done. Done with the way I thought about myself, the resentment I had for feeling walked over throughout my life, the shame I had about my body and my sexuality. All of it was just done.

And I had no idea why. Could it be the years of therapy finally taking hold and manifesting a tsunami of personal growth? Could it have been hormones and mid-life crisis coming to pass? What the fuck is going on here exactly?

I’ve felt sadness for my husband as he’s had to navigate this dam breaking with me. The past few months have been both of us treading carefully to keep the good parts at the forefront while also swimming in the wake of something tumultuous happening in the way I think and act.

I don’t know where I go from here, but I know that I don’t want to fight it. This change, for all the sudden eruptions it’s caused, is for the better as it’s making me shed all the negative shit that’s held me back. So here we are, and here we go.